Realization....

ok so yeah since I don't ever truly keep much of a journal (which I know is terrible) I'm going to treat my blog as sort of a personal/family type journal and hey you never know maybe i'll create more posts (but who knows) because of that......anywho I have a lot to blog about considering I just got back from a week long hiatus to vegas to see my family and boy oh boy what a trip that was, but no thats not what I want to talk about right now. I also need to blog and post pictures of my sweet baby chases' first birthday, which was such an awesome yet bitter-sweet day, yet again thats not what i'm going to talk about right now, so I'll just save those things for a later post.

for now I want to talk about somethings that I have come to realize and have come to terms with this week, for starters people are who they are and I've come to the conclusion that there is not
a damn thing is this world that I can do to change that.

ponder this for a moment: have you ever met someone and your perception of them was totally different than what you thought? and have you ever for a second been disapointed? I know I have.I've met a ton of people who I thought were totally different than they actually are and a few of them I was a little disapointed for a second, because my perception of them was totally in the wrong ball field. anyway I have come to terms to not at all be disapointed anymore, because for one its not ever fair to judge a book/person by its cover and for two I wouldnt want to be judged that way either.

I know that sounds weird but its something I have pondered about for along time and finally came to terms with.

some other things I have come to terms with this week is I either have to accept certain people for who they are no matter how badly my heart and head aches or just leave them which also leads down the same path. oh well what can you do?.......

I have also come to realize that its ok to admit to and accept help when its needed. for those that didnt know, but have probably been wondering. no nathan and I arent selling our house we are losing it to foreclosure, we have tried our hardest to keep it, but have come to the bitter realization that we just cant financially or physically do it anymore. we have been taking out extra student loans to cover the mortgage (which isnt astronomical, but it still pretty expensive) and nathan worked like a horse to pay the difference and it was taking a serious toll on him in every aspect of his being. and its just not worth it. its not like its our dream that we thought we would be in forever, heavens no we want property someday and we would like to be able to actually afford our student loans someday when we have to start paying them back and using them to pay for a house, at the time sounded smart, but in retrospect is completly dumb, because we will never truly recoup that money no matter how much ecquity we build up. so in a nut shell that has been about 40% of the stress we have been dealing with and has been eleviated. the other stress is just too personal for me to just open right up about, but for those that know what I'm talking about were ok. we have legal help now and all is being taken care of. thanks for your help and support. and nathan and I have never been closer because of these trials that we have been put through. it brings me back to our old prophet president hinkley and his council to pray for the trials, because of the rewards and blessing that they can bring to your home and family. well hes right and I'm grateful for it. and I sure do miss him!

anywho there are more things i have come to realize this week, but its getting late and if I dont get my beauty rest, heaven help my poor family in the morning :)


Thanks again, mom and Robyn and all of my great friends and family that have helped nathan and I get through these trials, we love you and are so grateful for you.